permanent alterations

In two days I will venture into permanent change. Or at least, that’s what they tell me. I have an appointment at Ronni Kolotkin, the premiere choice for electrolysis, the only method for safe, permanent hair removal.

Normally I don’t go for the expensive stuff like this, but a friend of mine turned me on to it by giving me the low down on tweezing, which has over the years helped me to cultivate from the one or two perfectly-common-for-women-to-have stray hairs on my face, a small colony.

So off I go for a consultation as to what will be the best course of electrolysis action and then poof! Actually, there’s no poofing. There are needles involved! Never fear, it’s rumored similar to acupuncture, which is actually a kinda cool sensation. More on that next week.

makeup results

Well, the makeup went largely unnoticed, which is probably a good thing. Friend 1 started ever so slightly when she saw my face, which I determined later was partly a moment of comparison dismay in the face of my dressier-than-usual appearance, where she wore comfortable jeans and a hoodie – looking very pretty, I must say, albeit not “fancied” for a night out.

Friend 2 I made the mistake of giving advance notice of the presence of the makeup and so all she noticed was the mascara and lipstick (barely), which wouldn’t be so bad except that she’s well exercised in face fashion and if mine were actually working to enhance, I think she would have noticed. It must be time for the visit to a professional!

I am going to set up an appointment with a makeup consultant at MAC cosmetics (the choice determined by the introduction – a friend of mine knows this guy). I’m of course super curious to see what colors he chooses for me – I can’t really figure it out myself because while I have ivory pale skin, I have freckles, and where I have a blue undertone in my skin, my eyes waver between blue and green and, again, I have freckles. I am a pale/blue base with rosy/warm spots. Lovely. Browns are too brown, pinks are too pink. And I’m completely incapable of choosing the proper in-between. Also, I’ve never learned how to put the darn stuff on correctly. It is not easy, in case you weren’t sure.

makeup

I am by no means through transforming my wardrobe, and transforning my body, while certainly in-progress -and I am thrilled that “working out” (weights + cardio – “aerobics” is so 80’s) in my 8×6 living room space is a actually a completely acceptable way (given my limited budget of money + time) to keep my spirits high and my body getting stronger and with more calcuable + therefore preventable strain on my knees than dancing- is years from being complete (while all of the components of appearance take effort on my part, the change to my way of life is greatest through “body” habits). All this to say I am moving on to include in my daily efforts the application and wearing out in public of… makeup.

Tonight I am going to a exhibition talk at apexart where curator Robert Punkenhofer’s A Way Beyond Fashion exhibition just opened on Wednesday. A close friend is joining me, and later we may meet up with another dear friend, and then possibly even crash my boyfriend’s fashion strike pub crawl, where all of his friends know me too. I am anxiously anticipating their reactions to my altered state of face. I worry that, for once not having followed the advice of anyone, my makeup is all wrong. My apartment has wretchedly spotty lighting (normally a beautiful thing) and while I think the makeup turned out ok, it still looked too much to me. I have a freckled and uneven complexion, so adding foundation, powder, blush, and eye shadow –oh yes, and mascara– is a bit of a shock. I feel very… ivory. (That’s the name of the foundation shade.) And now some guy on the train is trying to name all the states in the union in an effort to pinpoint first the midwest and second the state in the midwest from which I admit to have hailed. Um… WHY is this dude talking to me?!!! And when I say dude, I mean it in a categorical way. Hrrm. It can’t possibly be the make-up…

Well I don’t think that’s it, but now I’ve completely lost my train of thought and have in the meantime arrived at my destination and (woah, that’s vito acconci over there!) am waiting for my first friend of the evening, noticing that my lip gloss has dried up.

wearing it on my sleeve

Slowly and over the past several months I have been learning the clothing lessons. I spend a good deal more time browsing sales (online mostly) and worrying about not having the right shoes (I still need several more pairs) since really, shoes are critical to one’s wardrobe. They have to function (absorbing shock to minimize wear + tear on the joints b/c even at my young age, they’re going) and show flair (b/c it is so easy to be outlandish in one’s shoes without making others uncomfortable about one’s excessive fashion statement).

I have spent more money than comes naturally on new shoes + clothes and it only makes me more aware of how many articles I still lack. I can say I have been rather creative (yes even at 630AM) dressing for my new job. Now that I am desk bound, I feel freer to put together any most outfit and bolder about wearing my “nice” clothes, since there’s guaranteed not to be any ladder climbing. It is also through my marked effort this summer + fall that I have even ventured into wearing skirted things. I have revived at least one old dress that may not be all together fashionable but is flattering in a classic way. The handful of dresses acquired in the search for the perfect outfit to wear to someone else’s wedding have all seen daylight more than once (including the successful dress), which might be a dress wearing record for me.

But mostly I am simply learning to read everything more confidently and quickly than I did before, which makes me both more at ease with other people’s appearance and attire and also anxious about not living up to my own potential in outfit-making. And also my drive to look more grown up and sophisticated is fading. In part because I find whatever feelings of confidence I gain are troubled by lurking shadows of falseness. Perhaps also because I can associate this type of dress only with work and scheduled commitments, which are not bad, but feel constricting.

So here I am, missing my days of denim + tees, but making “progress” nonetheless.

thoughts on dress

Back in May when I was starting to shop with a vengeance, I purchased Bridgette Raes‘ Style Rx: Dressing the Body You Have to Create the Body You Want. Raes is an image consultant like my own Amy Eidelman, and so the advice in the book follows some of the tips these cats learn -how to play up your flattering features and avoid drowning them out. I didn’t find the book very useful in part because many of the lessons I had already learned from Amy, but also because I’m after an overall look change, not just advice on how to flatter my body.

But this isn’t meant to be a book review. I wanted nonetheless to point out that with the advice I have gotten from Amy and this book, I’ve been able to do very little towards my goal of looking more sophisticated –in part because today’s fashions are a) unflattering on most women and b) really unflattering on me. Part of sophistication is, I am discovering, fitting into the current fashions with just enough individuality to stand out as yourself. And right now current style is refusing to help.

Part of the image I’m after, I’ve decided, simply cannot be accomplished with clothing only, so I’m moving on to the source –my body. Firming up some of my excess softness will give me greater flexibility in making use of today’s fashion trends (or, better yet, by the time I get there, fashion will also have shaped up into something with more chic).

shoes + a dress

My quest for the perfect dress shoes continued into every shop I could find. After two hours of looking and trying on really uncomfortable and not-all-that-pretty shoes at boutiques and larger stores, I finally gave up on matching the dress and settled for a pair of shoes that were comfortable enough to wear to a party –and this pair looked really cute on me. Black mary-jane style low heels (maybe 1″?). The ticket here was that the low heel made them comfortable for my legs and back (though the toe area is a bit tight) and they still looked classy –sorta like a pair of Audrey Hepburn heels/flats but a bit chunkier to fit my medium-boned build. The current sale suckered me into buying a pair of dusty-blue wedge sandals that I hoped would work with the dress. They don’t. The Audrey shoes don’t either. And of course what does my boyfriend decide is the best of my options? A pair of sandals I had bought weeks ago (danskos –very comfortable and supportive, but mostly casual in style). Ergh. Somehow I wasn’t satisfied and spent my last possible morning running through Anthropologie, now looking for a dress to match the Audrey shoes. And I found one! But of course not within my budget. So I went a little nuts and bought it anyway. Dressed up with pearls, I thought it was rather classy (admittedly less so in the florida heat, but you gotta try).

Now the trick to this dress is that the material is, I think, rather ugly. And the cut doesn’t look like anything spectacular, but somehow the combination of the busy pattern in dark colors, the shaped neck, and the chunky lines makes this dress look rather nice on me! What I like most is how the high waist rather than making me look pregnant actually has a slimming effect. I felt more fashionably “straight” with my butt de-emphasized. But! with enough rear-end to still sport some curves. And because the fabric is a smooth, spandexy jersey, it’s also terribly fun to dance in.

weddings, weddings

This weekend I am going to yet another wedding. I know others who have been to a dozen or more in the last few years, but for me, even one a year is too many. Someone really should prepare us –watch out kid, from your late twenties to your early thirties, plan to budget for lots of plane trips and hotel stays and girly dresses.

Now, me who owns no dresses actually bought one for my sister’s wedding (six years ago) and I have been wearing it to every wedding since. It’s a lovely dress –very flattering (when worn with that requisite padded bra to fill out the shaped bust area!) and genuinely pretty. Finally I am going to a wedding at which will be present some of the same people from the last wedding we were just at –including the newly weds. So I can’t in good fashion wear the same dress, again. I mean, I suppose I could, but even I would feel badly about not changing it up for the same crowd. As Maggie Smith says in Gosford Park, “why should one wear a different frock every evening?” Well, because their are more than enough designers making more than enough dresses to choose from, and respecting beauty the way we do, it is natural to want to dip into as much of that pool as possible. And I’m kinda getting bored with my very-pretty dress from six years ago (even though it won’t really ever be “out-of-style” as it’s a fairly classic cut).

I was hoping to find a dress on my shopping trip with Amy, and I did, but there’s no way I can wear a black sweater dress to an afternoon wedding in June in FLORIDA. That’s right, I have to find something light and summery for a perpetually light and summery place. Do they even wear black there?

Well, lo and behold, my boyfriend, who can appreciate style but is by no means what you would call “fashionable,” found me a summer dress at a local street fair that fits, looks cute, and could totally work for the wedding. If only I had a pair of shoes and some accessories to fancy it up a little bit….

Thus began just two weeks ago my quest to find new dress shoes (my old pair, purchased to wear with the dress-I-wear-to-weddings, do not fit with the dress, and besides that are nearly in the trash can anyway). I was running an errand out at the Queens Mall, so with my boyfriend in tow, I took advantage of the many stores in one place and looked over nearly every shoe there. I must have looked over hundreds. I know I tried on dozens. Now, because I was looking for shoes to go with a specific dress, it was a bit more challenging to find the right shoe. This dress is blue and brown, but both are rather steely shades. And the pattern is irregular and kind of tie-dye like (without being so), so really a simple flat or espadrille would probably be best. But we were trying to find something to dress up the dress, not make it look more casual. And honestly, we found nothing that would both look right with the dress and fit on my foot comfortably. And I wasn’t being overly picky (just ask the boyfriend). After two hours of pouring over shoe racks, I was just deflated from the failures of the day. We did wander into one of those stores with cheap, mass-produced jewelry, just for kicks really. We stumbled upon a necklace that on its own and up-close, was really quite ugly, but we thought it would fit well with the style of the dress. I didn’t end up getting it because it was too gold, but after trying on gads of bracelets (ALL of the bangles were too big for me! I have little hands), what do I buy? Rings. Three rings. They’re all lovely and I will wear them (rings are so easy!), but I certainly don’t need them. But I think that’s the nature of building a wardrobe –you get things you don’t “need” so that you’ll have options when you dress.

I just wrote that it makes sense that one should wear different outfits to different occasions with the same people. That one should bring variety and fun into one’s wardrobe. But really, I’m not sure why one should. I mean, hygiene I’m all for –but what if I could just wear the same basic outfit each day? Like a monk! Wouldn’t that be so much more reassuring? Almost more expressive than all these fancy outfits?

A shopping day with Amy

I had my follow up appointment with Amy of Eidelman Image, in which we went shopping and she did all the hunting (!). That’s kinda fun. I will post video from the event just as soon as I finish editing it, but here’s a wrap up of what we did.

Amy started us off at Century 21 –a department store I’ve never even heard of– to try hitting lots of designers in one spot. She fled through the racks checking things out and grabbing wild shirts for me to try on. One that I slipped on over my dress was too tight, but also just unflattering in its yellowy color. At least, that’s how I remember it. I didn’t make much of an effort to picture it with the appropriate outfit, but either way I thought it was pretty ugly. I think Amy agreed, at which point she got fed up with the zany Memorial Day rush and the lame discounts on designer clothing, and headed us off to the real BCBG Max Azaria on 5th Avenue.

Now, I hate shopping. I hate it because so few things fit me well, and those that do often sit way out of my price range. Inevitably I end up buying clothing that doesn’t look good just because it’s affordable (barely) -and on the rare occasion that I do spend more than I should on an item, I tend to treat the article with white gloves, taking it out only for special occasions, which kinda defeats the purpose of spending all that money on it –especially since I don’t have too many of those kind of “special” occasions (my kind usually calls for jeans, a t-shirt, and a cool belt). And not to mention shopping in any quantity is exhausting and draining. All that looking through racks, searching and not finding, or searching, finding, and then carrying half the store around on your arm… not a walk in the park. Not to mention how ruthless fellow shoppers are –pushing, shoving, standing in your way, taking the last small on the rack… sigh. Not my idea of fun. And in the last two months, I think I’ve done more shopping than over the course of the last two years.

Changing? You bet. I’m growing more anxious about my appearance and frustrated at not having every outfit I can imagine.

But back to my personal shopping date with Amy. BCBG was a dream. Cool, calm, pretty. Not crowded at all, and having a HUGE Memorial Day Sale. Lovely! I tried on half the store I think –all Amy’s choices for me. The very first thing was a black cotton sweater dress that was just darling. With a cowl neck and fitted waist, it inspired that WOW reaction you always hope for. Amy and I (and Amiti, my videographer) agreed it was perfect. I put it aside without deciding because of the price, and moved on to more items. Well, invariably everything else I tried on was either too big, too small, or too white. That may have been the most useful lesson of the day for me: stay away from the white! Apparently, it’s too cool for my skin tone (though I look great in blues). There was this adorable blue and green pattern dress that was fantastic except for being a good 3 inches too short –with my sizeable rear, anything more than 2 inches above the knee is just asking for trouble. Amy had me try on a cream-colored jacket that was really quite cute, but I thought the decorative add-ons made me look too bunchy, and it wasn’t the right size.

Well, we left BCBG without buying anything because I had found a hole in the cute black dress and was waiting for them to find a replacement before deciding on purchasing it. We headed down 5th Avenue, briefly stopped in Club Monaco and talked about gold jewelry (I don’t care for gold, but Amy thinks it would be a good way to pull out the golden tone in my hair), and then promptly left when asked to stop video-recording.

Down the street at Banana Republic, we found some good colors for me, but again, as Amy projected, the tops were all cut too boxy for me (she says that the whole GAP family is like this –catering to the population with less-defined waists). And I discovered that after BCBG , Banana is really quite boring and unsophisticated. I used to think their clothing rather elegant, but I’m starting to change my mind. I felt rather at ease in there because it’s a store I’m familiar with and everything on the rack looked like something I’d seen before, not to mention I own a number of things from Banana Republic (and the GAP). I think this trip marked the end of my relationship with these stores. I’m just not impressed with the simplicity that doesn’t fit well. But at least now I know that brown-grey is a neutral tone that looks great on me.

As it was next door, Anthropologie beckoned us inside for one last stop. After heading straight to the sale racks, Amy found another cute jacket (which we had to leave aside because it was a sparkling white) that I didn’t entirely care for (the decorative lapels looked like flower petals), and a grey top that looked great except for being too long. Apparently, to remain flattering to your natural curves a top should not extend past the widest part of your hips. I was glad Amy came to the decision to leave the shirt behind, because while it looked good, it wasn’t exciting enough to spend $50.

Well, thus came our shopping trip to an end. I learned that coral and periwinkle are colors that look good on pretty much everyone, and that warm colors are tricky with me –often drowning out my own warm tones– and I should stick with darker neutrals, blues, and greens. Cowl necks and gathered busts are good, but the current trend of a draping bodice that flows from the bust looks really bad on me (and most other women, too), adding bulk to my ribcage and waist, with which my small chest simply cannot compete. Cuffs work to shorten the legs, and so I should avoid them whenever possible. Accessories should make up 60% of your wardrobe, because it’s a quick and easy way to dramatically change the effect of an outfit. I also had for me re-confirmed that I simply do not have the boobage necessary to make most dresses and tops fit well. Amy suggested the Perfectly Fit Push-Up bra from Calvin Klein to help in this area. I haven’t acquired one yet, but I did find a cheap padded bra to test the theory. I haven’t tried it with a dress, but when I wore it under a simple Tee, my boyfriend nearly fell out of his chair.

Another problem I ran into is that, well, I’m a little soft in the belly and it kinda gets in the way. That is, I wonder if clothing would fit better if I were more trim –or would my proportions continue to make finding a good fit difficult? I hope so, because that’s what I’m going to work on next. I have contacted three different fitness and weight-loss consultants to get some advice on how to shed those pesky last ten pounds of soft. I’ve never been much good at losing weight, probably because I’ve never taken it very seriously (and I’m terrible at self deprivation). I’m curious to see how much work it’s going to be and whether I can finally make the commit it requires. Next month we’ll see!

Oh, and I finally went back and got the little black dress.

changing?

Last night I was telling a friend about Make Me Over and she naturally asked, “well, is it working? are you changing?” And it occurred to me that while a little haircut and an unsuccessful shopping spree (more on that to come) haven’t changed me any (and very little about my appearance has actually changed), my attitudes towards the purpose of appearance have. I’m more open to the choice to present oneself in a certain way, I am acknowledging that even where I have chosen to keep myself “unfeminine” and “unsophisticated,” I have always been making a choice -just not a very well-informed one.

Of course, I still think high-heels are wretched (though I should really go with it if you say they’re comfortable!), I still wrinkle my nose at the things women do to fit in, but I’m not passing judgment on the women doing them –just the choices society has presented us to make. Which is where rebellious feminists come in, opening the expectations, giving us greater nuance in our choices. But with rights and mobility have often come other limitations and confusing restrictions for the average woman (see Linda Scott’s Fresh Lipstick). Take grooming for example. While I don’t think there has ever been any pressure for feminists to be an unclean to prove a point, some feminist groups rejected the “feminine” look of their time, which may have the effect of forcing the world to see in women something they hadn’t, but also cuts their resources for appealing to the public and politicians, right? you want to change people’s minds, perhaps shock and explanation are better tactics. So it depends on what as a feminist one is trying to accomplish –actual headway for the rights of women, which in the long run should also alter general opinion of women, or change attitudes in a rallying cry and struggle to gain rights after? I honestly don’t know and am not taking a position –but it is an interesting idea to consider: we can use our appearance (as so many have) to be more powerful, which just might mean fitting in with the current norms.

A Visit to Anthropologie

When I walk by Anthropologie, generally about midnight Fridays, I think of my friend Blake. She LOVES Anthropologie. Me, I’m into simple, square, straight –not girly. Right? So I’ve never liked Anthropologie. But I like being reminded of my friend in Atlanta as I admire the nice window designs and pretty dresses, wondering who in hell has a torso that short that any of them would actually fit correctly!

But, again, since I was advised to try it, try it I did. And with a new-found attitude towards frilly things (that I’m required to consider them), I actually enjoyed the visit (all the more so because of the delightfully friendly staff). I didn’t buy anything, but it was still informative.

First, I tried on the most delightful pair of jeans shorts (to the knee) that actually made my legs look longer and balanced (sorry no pic), but $178 is a bit much for my budget. I also found these cropped jeans, similarly flattering and similarly expensive, thus likewise unpurchased:

And then this pretty wrap sweater that was way too imposing for my diminutive stature, as well as the drapey, lacey “sweater” that I couldn’t pull off for the same reason –and the added benefit of my large rump:

This next dress I really did like (and please forgive my hurried photoshopping –the camera in hand really was distracting and I thought this preferable) –the color seemed good, the print was pleasant, all that jazz, and because it’s a wrap dress, I was sure it would be flattering (the wrap accents the waist and maximizes the bust –see how much I’m learning?!):

Sadly, though, it didn’t even begin to fit right. The waist fell too high on me (which actually may not have been such a bad thing to look at, since I have a long torso and short legs) and it was all around too large. The reason I didn’t bother to find a smaller size was that the skirt fell straight in a shapeless, poofy kind of way, which I imagined would look dumb at a smaller size.

Oh well, I tried. I will return now to Anthropologie with at least some confidence in the sale racks –and one day find something perfect.